With Adult Clergy Sexual Abuse it is important to acknowledge the double betrayal of the husband while also acknowledging that the wife is a victim of abuse, not a participant in an affair.

There is a lot of judgement put on a woman when she is deemed to have had an affair with her pastor, worship leader, elder or any other type of spiritual mentor who had authority over her.

Sexual abuse or exploitation by someone in Spiritual Leadership is traumatic enough without being accused of having an affair.

A diagram depicting a my version of how a professional relationship with a counsellor or clergy can become abusive. This abuse is not an affair.

Three days after my husband discovered that I had become emotionally entangled with my counsellor. He demanded that I call my counsellor’s wife and tell her what had been going on.

Relapse plans are for abusers, not their victims. This holds true in the case of infidelity as a result of an affair verses as a result of abuse.

In the weeks after my husband discovered I was emotionally entangled with my Christian counsellor, I struggled to process what had happened.

If you take one thing away from this blog, I hope you leave reflecting on the difference between an affair and a relationship created through manipulation as a result of a professional’s abuse of power. The word “affair” while devastating to those who experience it, minimizes the role of the counsellor’s/pastor’s/healthcare provider’s behaviour, reducing it to a moral failure rather than a crime.